Death

One sad fact that we can not hide from is death. Most people are lucky never to see death, in friends or in family. And there are those unfortunate few who has seen death devastate their entire families.

But to me death, I've come to realize (out of delusion or necessity) is a beautiful thing. I know it may sound weird but only through death and loss do we appreciate what was or will be.

For example one may hate life and all it's little annoyances, but when a close one passes away, that person may change his/her view on life. Or it could go the opposite way and make an individual become more self destructive or outwardly hate everything around him.

Myself for example think in the grand scheme of things that we are needed elsewhere. It''s up to us to decide if we are ready to go. To many good people die for no reason, I think its a waste, and therefore think they are not random occurrences but steps towards a greater goal. We may not know for what purpose yet or never will but it gives me a sense of security that my loved ones were not ripped from this planet for no reason. And that is where the delusions or necessity comes in.

I lost my only sibling a couple of years ago. She was my big sis and she died at 30. Now I'm her age and I feel like I should have gone instead of her. I've been a fuck up my whole life and she was super mom with three beautiful children. This is where I HAVE to believe they are needed else where. I believe in my selfishness, vanity and hedonistic ways I was left here to suffer everyday life and all it's brutality, while they are spared the injustices of being upon this earth

RIP John aka Skrunge who passed this morning
RIP Mr Barnes, he was one of my teachers at Burges, and shot in Juarez a couple weeks ago
RIP Carmen, one of the most beautiful women I ever met and blessed us with her kids Marsee Johnny and        Vivian.
And of course RIP my beautiful sister Danielle Monique Veloz, who I think about everyday. I know you are doing something special up there.