War is a necessary evil that comes with our existence. But at what cost? The one that that takes the biggest toll is innocence. Most of the young men and women that join the military have no other choice, whether it is being poor, seeking an education or just wanting to get out of a bad neighborhood. These people join with an optimism that the military is going to change their lives for the better, to earn money and benefits for their family.
To a large extent these things do happen and does make a positive outcome for their lives. We tend to look at our military not as individual men and women but as a mass. That young woman who wanted earn money for college was just put into a situation where she had to kill somebody, or one of her friends was gunned down right next to her. Forever she will have that stain upon her soul. Forever will she see snipers in every building. Forever she will see blood upon her hands.
And what of that young man who joined just so he can get away from an abusive home? He thought he was leaving a bad environment just to be shipped off to a literal Hell on Earth. With the mental scars he receives from overseas he may come home and abuse his own family, mistakenly attacking an enemy in the shadows when it is just his wife coming out of the bathroom.
I whole heartedly support not our military but our troops. A lot of these brave people are forgotten as soon as the leave the military. They fought blindly for us, doing as they were told, killed when they didn't want to, saw suffering at every corner.
We need to applaud them and not bash our military just because we don't believe in the war. War was around before we were here and its going to be a part of human existence long after we've turned to ashes.
We can not lose the cost of innocence but we CAN help our own and lighten their burden.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Growing up, Moving on and opening my eyes
I've had a rough year so far. My wife, aka my best friend, aka the love of my life, left me. I don't have my daughter waking me up every morning anymore. And recently left my other family, Tattoo's and Things, after seven years working there. Now I believe everything happens for a reason, and in all honesty I think these things happened for the best. I took all these things for granted, and used them as a crutch. With my wife, I got used to being with her all day everyday. I stopped trying. I got bored. And I fucked up. I thought she would always be there no matter what I did. I stopped doing the little things that made her happy, I stopped paying attention to her.
Same with the tattoo shop. I was comfortable there. I got lazy, I was happy just to tattoo. But I didnt try to better my craft, I got complacent. I did enough to get by. I honestly believe I set myself back about 10 years in tattooing. I do well, but at the same time my shit isnt in magazines like it should be.
And this is where I believe things happen for a reason. Sometimes it takes trauma to light that fire. Sometimes it takes losing your entire world to realize you never even had one. You may think you have it, but if you look back, did you deserve it? Did you try your best to nurture it and let it grow? Did you try to open your little world to every body else? I didnt. I closed myself away in denial and selfishness. I assumed people would come to me and kiss my ass and get everything I wanted with no effort.
Now this has been like four or five months that this has happened. And now I am finally waking up. At first I hated myself, I despised myself. I got very self-destructive (as always) and closed myself up to wallow in my own misery.
But now things have changed. I feel different. I have always been very selfish. But now I think that selfishness evolved from a self-destructive standpoint to a more positive aspect. I'm going to focus on myself more but not in a selfish fuck the world way, but to improve myself, to be a better person and father to my daughter. To improve my career, to make more money for my daughter.
I have always been a loser, but times change, and so will I.
Now I wont apologize to anybody for my actions. I pushed a lot of people away. I just didnt realize it till my birthday last week. None of my friends that I had for years showed up besides my cousin my bestfriend Yvonne and Nichole. I know its all my fault because I have alienated a lot of people and pushed them away. No surprise there. I neglected them also.
Yvonne told me, after a horrible year, next year is going to be your best. I believe her, but I also believe I have to MAKE it my best year and not just hope it will be.
Same with the tattoo shop. I was comfortable there. I got lazy, I was happy just to tattoo. But I didnt try to better my craft, I got complacent. I did enough to get by. I honestly believe I set myself back about 10 years in tattooing. I do well, but at the same time my shit isnt in magazines like it should be.
And this is where I believe things happen for a reason. Sometimes it takes trauma to light that fire. Sometimes it takes losing your entire world to realize you never even had one. You may think you have it, but if you look back, did you deserve it? Did you try your best to nurture it and let it grow? Did you try to open your little world to every body else? I didnt. I closed myself away in denial and selfishness. I assumed people would come to me and kiss my ass and get everything I wanted with no effort.
Now this has been like four or five months that this has happened. And now I am finally waking up. At first I hated myself, I despised myself. I got very self-destructive (as always) and closed myself up to wallow in my own misery.
But now things have changed. I feel different. I have always been very selfish. But now I think that selfishness evolved from a self-destructive standpoint to a more positive aspect. I'm going to focus on myself more but not in a selfish fuck the world way, but to improve myself, to be a better person and father to my daughter. To improve my career, to make more money for my daughter.
I have always been a loser, but times change, and so will I.
Now I wont apologize to anybody for my actions. I pushed a lot of people away. I just didnt realize it till my birthday last week. None of my friends that I had for years showed up besides my cousin my bestfriend Yvonne and Nichole. I know its all my fault because I have alienated a lot of people and pushed them away. No surprise there. I neglected them also.
Yvonne told me, after a horrible year, next year is going to be your best. I believe her, but I also believe I have to MAKE it my best year and not just hope it will be.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Douchebaggery
Ok some of you ladies have expressed your weakness for douchebags. My only question is why?
Oh douchebags how I hate thee, let me count the ways. First off douchebags consist of men AND women. To me they are completely impossible to converse with (unless you love talking about what type of products you use to frost your tips or about how big the tires on your truck are). Now I see these guys on a daily basis. They come into the tattoo shop in droves requesting the tribal flavor of the month. They come in with pictures of buff guys from the internet and literally point at the picture and say " I want to look like that!". Now what they are really saying is " I have no personality whatsoever and I strive to look like everybody else because I have a small penis and without the tattoo nobody would waste their time talking to me, because the stupid look on my face says it all."
What really bugs me about them is how they judge others who choose to express themselves and not be part of the "pack". Just because I dont wear Ambercrombie and Bitch doesn't mean I dont have anything relevant to say . Just because I dont spend 200 plus on shoes doesnt mean I'm worthless. Sorry if I'm not cool enough to pop my collar and wear shiny shirts.
It doesnt take much to make me happy. Good friends, a cold beer, and good conversation can go a long way. Now I have to admit I do have my vices. But at least they are not cosmetic. I can understand how women have cosmetic vices like shoes and make-up. I just dont see why a guy wants to look prettier than his girlfriend. If you get your nails done more than your girl, you have some serious issues.
Oh douchebags how I hate thee, let me count the ways. First off douchebags consist of men AND women. To me they are completely impossible to converse with (unless you love talking about what type of products you use to frost your tips or about how big the tires on your truck are). Now I see these guys on a daily basis. They come into the tattoo shop in droves requesting the tribal flavor of the month. They come in with pictures of buff guys from the internet and literally point at the picture and say " I want to look like that!". Now what they are really saying is " I have no personality whatsoever and I strive to look like everybody else because I have a small penis and without the tattoo nobody would waste their time talking to me, because the stupid look on my face says it all."
What really bugs me about them is how they judge others who choose to express themselves and not be part of the "pack". Just because I dont wear Ambercrombie and Bitch doesn't mean I dont have anything relevant to say . Just because I dont spend 200 plus on shoes doesnt mean I'm worthless. Sorry if I'm not cool enough to pop my collar and wear shiny shirts.
It doesnt take much to make me happy. Good friends, a cold beer, and good conversation can go a long way. Now I have to admit I do have my vices. But at least they are not cosmetic. I can understand how women have cosmetic vices like shoes and make-up. I just dont see why a guy wants to look prettier than his girlfriend. If you get your nails done more than your girl, you have some serious issues.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Nerdgasm
Most of you know that I am a self proclaimed nerd/geek. On my foray into Barnes & Noble last night (which is my adult version of Toys R Us), I came across a beautiful printing of Dante's Inferno. Now this is where the nerdgasm comes into play. The book was a beautifully bound hardcover, with original etchings and gold laced pages. It even had a ribbon place marker sewn into it. You just dont see books put together like this anymore. Now I've read Inferno before, but just seeing this gem I had to buy it. Now how much of a nerd am I if I HAD to buy a book because it was amazingly put together.
Ahhhh books, they have been my saving grace for countless years, my only way of escaping. Another nerd fact about myself: I read fantasy. You know, those books with wizards and dragons and people with really big ears. Most of these books people write off as being childish and immature. But the ones I read are mostly about war, struggling and persevering.
There is something about a war torn struggle that pulls at my heart strings. Something about an individual who sacrifices everything and charges into battle just to save his hearth and home. About people struggling in a tyrannical political state. And also about love.
Yes I said love. I'm a sap for love stories. In these books love is unconditional and pure. They dont have the distractions and technology modern day humanity has. When they fall in love it is fierce and unrelenting. But like in real life and in literature, these tales of love never end well. Always one dies, or one sacrifices their self so the other may live. Excuse my language, but that is fucking beautiful.
But alas my readers, the only thing beautiful about relationships in our world is how quickly they they end. Now this may sound a little jaded but it is the truth. Ahhhhhhh but we forgot perseverance!
Perseverance is the other part of the equation. After we end a relationship on a bad note, we must not be bitter at the world, and trudge through this life grumbling and mumbling to ourselves. While we have our head down kicking rocks, an amazing world is passing us by. All you have to do is pick up your head and open your eyes.
Now I dont know how a nerd blog turned into a relationship rant, but fuck you its my blog and I'll cry if I want. Haha I love my readers.
Ahhhh books, they have been my saving grace for countless years, my only way of escaping. Another nerd fact about myself: I read fantasy. You know, those books with wizards and dragons and people with really big ears. Most of these books people write off as being childish and immature. But the ones I read are mostly about war, struggling and persevering.
There is something about a war torn struggle that pulls at my heart strings. Something about an individual who sacrifices everything and charges into battle just to save his hearth and home. About people struggling in a tyrannical political state. And also about love.
Yes I said love. I'm a sap for love stories. In these books love is unconditional and pure. They dont have the distractions and technology modern day humanity has. When they fall in love it is fierce and unrelenting. But like in real life and in literature, these tales of love never end well. Always one dies, or one sacrifices their self so the other may live. Excuse my language, but that is fucking beautiful.
But alas my readers, the only thing beautiful about relationships in our world is how quickly they they end. Now this may sound a little jaded but it is the truth. Ahhhhhhh but we forgot perseverance!
Perseverance is the other part of the equation. After we end a relationship on a bad note, we must not be bitter at the world, and trudge through this life grumbling and mumbling to ourselves. While we have our head down kicking rocks, an amazing world is passing us by. All you have to do is pick up your head and open your eyes.
Now I dont know how a nerd blog turned into a relationship rant, but fuck you its my blog and I'll cry if I want. Haha I love my readers.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Death and Taxes
It is said that the only things that are guaranteed in life are death and taxes. I'd like to be pompous enough and add a third, disappointment.
Now the definition of disappointment is as follows: a feeling of dissatisfaction that results when your expectations are not realized. Now I think there are broader versions of the definition out there, but I like this one. Reason being is that we place too much stock in how we want things to unveil.
I think disappointment is purely human emotion. Animals tend to do as they have been taught by millions of years of instinct. Humanity believes they can change everything around them on a whim. And of course this is where disappointment comes in. We as a community are too individualistic and arrogant to do as others wish. This is where war inevitably follows. People are to be proud to be told what to do. And will not as a whole bow down to anothers will. The human spirit, a beautiful yet destructive force, has been the cause of the upheaval humanity.
Now down to a more personal definition of the word: Bullshit, ie: my fault. I am a naturally optimistic person, and I tend to take people at face value. Though time and time again I am disappointed. Now I could be just an asshole to everybody and not have anything bother me (which unfortunately I've had to do recently). But it's not in me to be an ass to people. I have a loyal and protective personality towards my friends (which also I've had to stop).
Life goes on, people grow up, people grow apart. A simple fact I have a hard time grasping.
Now the definition of disappointment is as follows: a feeling of dissatisfaction that results when your expectations are not realized. Now I think there are broader versions of the definition out there, but I like this one. Reason being is that we place too much stock in how we want things to unveil.
I think disappointment is purely human emotion. Animals tend to do as they have been taught by millions of years of instinct. Humanity believes they can change everything around them on a whim. And of course this is where disappointment comes in. We as a community are too individualistic and arrogant to do as others wish. This is where war inevitably follows. People are to be proud to be told what to do. And will not as a whole bow down to anothers will. The human spirit, a beautiful yet destructive force, has been the cause of the upheaval humanity.
Now down to a more personal definition of the word: Bullshit, ie: my fault. I am a naturally optimistic person, and I tend to take people at face value. Though time and time again I am disappointed. Now I could be just an asshole to everybody and not have anything bother me (which unfortunately I've had to do recently). But it's not in me to be an ass to people. I have a loyal and protective personality towards my friends (which also I've had to stop).
Life goes on, people grow up, people grow apart. A simple fact I have a hard time grasping.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Death
One sad fact that we can not hide from is death. Most people are lucky never to see death, in friends or in family. And there are those unfortunate few who has seen death devastate their entire families.
But to me death, I've come to realize (out of delusion or necessity) is a beautiful thing. I know it may sound weird but only through death and loss do we appreciate what was or will be.
For example one may hate life and all it's little annoyances, but when a close one passes away, that person may change his/her view on life. Or it could go the opposite way and make an individual become more self destructive or outwardly hate everything around him.
Myself for example think in the grand scheme of things that we are needed elsewhere. It''s up to us to decide if we are ready to go. To many good people die for no reason, I think its a waste, and therefore think they are not random occurrences but steps towards a greater goal. We may not know for what purpose yet or never will but it gives me a sense of security that my loved ones were not ripped from this planet for no reason. And that is where the delusions or necessity comes in.
I lost my only sibling a couple of years ago. She was my big sis and she died at 30. Now I'm her age and I feel like I should have gone instead of her. I've been a fuck up my whole life and she was super mom with three beautiful children. This is where I HAVE to believe they are needed else where. I believe in my selfishness, vanity and hedonistic ways I was left here to suffer everyday life and all it's brutality, while they are spared the injustices of being upon this earth
RIP John aka Skrunge who passed this morning
RIP Mr Barnes, he was one of my teachers at Burges, and shot in Juarez a couple weeks ago
RIP Carmen, one of the most beautiful women I ever met and blessed us with her kids Marsee Johnny and Vivian.
And of course RIP my beautiful sister Danielle Monique Veloz, who I think about everyday. I know you are doing something special up there.
But to me death, I've come to realize (out of delusion or necessity) is a beautiful thing. I know it may sound weird but only through death and loss do we appreciate what was or will be.
For example one may hate life and all it's little annoyances, but when a close one passes away, that person may change his/her view on life. Or it could go the opposite way and make an individual become more self destructive or outwardly hate everything around him.
Myself for example think in the grand scheme of things that we are needed elsewhere. It''s up to us to decide if we are ready to go. To many good people die for no reason, I think its a waste, and therefore think they are not random occurrences but steps towards a greater goal. We may not know for what purpose yet or never will but it gives me a sense of security that my loved ones were not ripped from this planet for no reason. And that is where the delusions or necessity comes in.
I lost my only sibling a couple of years ago. She was my big sis and she died at 30. Now I'm her age and I feel like I should have gone instead of her. I've been a fuck up my whole life and she was super mom with three beautiful children. This is where I HAVE to believe they are needed else where. I believe in my selfishness, vanity and hedonistic ways I was left here to suffer everyday life and all it's brutality, while they are spared the injustices of being upon this earth
RIP John aka Skrunge who passed this morning
RIP Mr Barnes, he was one of my teachers at Burges, and shot in Juarez a couple weeks ago
RIP Carmen, one of the most beautiful women I ever met and blessed us with her kids Marsee Johnny and Vivian.
And of course RIP my beautiful sister Danielle Monique Veloz, who I think about everyday. I know you are doing something special up there.
Monday, August 16, 2010
A goodnight blog
I'm off to bed soon. And I'm trying not to watch anything to unusual. My very, very visual mind will dream of whatever I watch before I go to bed, and quite vividly at that.
Now This can be a very good thing or very bad thing. I once watched Rob Zombies "El Super Beasto" and had a disturbing dream about tons of Zombie Nazi's with ridiculously huge nipples trying to gang bang me.
And as I'm writing this J-Woww is on Jay Leto, so more than likely I'll be chasing her around trying to put it in her butt, while wearing Ed Hardy clothes and really really tight pants. Now this may sound like a good dream, but for some reason I think getting crabs in the nether realm can actually scare my nether region, which in turn becomes a nightmare. Ahhh the complications of a male mind. At least mine anyway.
Now on to other sleep related news.......... I ran out of sleeping pills.
I dont really need them but like I said I have an overly active imagination and tend to see shit in the dark that are really not there. Yes.....I said it...... I'm kinda weirdly afraid of the dark.
On that sad note I'm off to bed.
P.S. I still wanna put it in J-Woww's butt.
Now This can be a very good thing or very bad thing. I once watched Rob Zombies "El Super Beasto" and had a disturbing dream about tons of Zombie Nazi's with ridiculously huge nipples trying to gang bang me.
And as I'm writing this J-Woww is on Jay Leto, so more than likely I'll be chasing her around trying to put it in her butt, while wearing Ed Hardy clothes and really really tight pants. Now this may sound like a good dream, but for some reason I think getting crabs in the nether realm can actually scare my nether region, which in turn becomes a nightmare. Ahhh the complications of a male mind. At least mine anyway.
Now on to other sleep related news.......... I ran out of sleeping pills.
I dont really need them but like I said I have an overly active imagination and tend to see shit in the dark that are really not there. Yes.....I said it...... I'm kinda weirdly afraid of the dark.
On that sad note I'm off to bed.
P.S. I still wanna put it in J-Woww's butt.
Brand New
So I decided to start a blog today. No idea why. Maybe my ego wishes to be inflated? Maybe I just want to be heard? Or maybe I just want to see how many followers of my bullshit thoughts, rants and raves I will get. I apologize before hand to all you grammar police out there, I am by no means a writer and do not intend to be.
My intentions for this blog (as of now) is just to have a place share my feelings about my life. I think this is where my hugely inflated ego comes in. Its basicly going to be a journal open to whomever wishes to see how I think. Fuck I dont even know why I do half the shit I do anyway. Maybe after accumulating enough of my own blogs and going back and reading them I may find out.
So if you feel like following a mediocre man through his mediocre life by all means follow this blog. But as many of my friends know, interesting shit always happens to me. For some reason my life can get pretty wild sometimes (followed by a day of crying in the shower trying to get the smell of shame off me).
My intentions for this blog (as of now) is just to have a place share my feelings about my life. I think this is where my hugely inflated ego comes in. Its basicly going to be a journal open to whomever wishes to see how I think. Fuck I dont even know why I do half the shit I do anyway. Maybe after accumulating enough of my own blogs and going back and reading them I may find out.
So if you feel like following a mediocre man through his mediocre life by all means follow this blog. But as many of my friends know, interesting shit always happens to me. For some reason my life can get pretty wild sometimes (followed by a day of crying in the shower trying to get the smell of shame off me).
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