Struggle? Block? Stress? Who the fuck knows..

I was dead set on dusting off my blog today. To breath the sweet spark of life into what has basically become a dead idea. But Ive noticed I was just staring at the screen for the last 45 minutes. Nothing comes to mind, no idea blossoms to fruition, not a god damn semblance of a thought at all.

Now I love writing I really do. And in no way shape or form do I consider myself a writer. To put myself in that Pantheon of Legendary Writers seems kind like a weak attempt to validate myself. But I will go so far as saying that Ive had writers block these last couple of months. Ive come to believe that stress hinders our ability to imagine, to love, to genuinely laugh. Stress is a self given plague with no cure. To more we achieve the more we want. The more we lose the more we get scared of having nothing at all.

Ambition.

Ambition is a beast that cannot easily be slain. Ambition is a blight that can never be healed. The problem with the ambitious is that once they achieve what they want, they are never truly satisfied. Always looking for that next step to that next level to the next.....who the fuck knows. And really who the fuck cares?

For one, I do. Ive pretty much been complacent my entire life. When I started tattooing, tiny little thought bubbles went of in my head. the more I tattooed the more these empty bubbles started taking shape, over time coalescing into one beautiful dream. To have a shop I can call my own. Simple. I knew doing this I wasn't going to be a millionaire, I knew doing this I wasn't going to have any "grand social commentary" to give to my fellow humans. I knew I wasn't going to be famous. But IT WAS MY DREAM. Its all I ever wanted. And once I got it, I had a brief exultation of extreme joy. Brief is the key word. For once I had attained my dream, I quickly learned to be scared, to be frightened of losing my dream. It became a struggle just to maintain a daily routine. I'm already on the look out for bigger and better things to make my dream grow. TO FUCKING GROW!

I laugh at the absurdity of growing it right now. Oh it will grow, it will flourish into my Lifetime Achievement. My stamp on this life. My legacy that I will hand down to my daughter. But right now it is like a new seedling that has barely been planted. I need to nourish it, I need to love it, I need to take care of it just to keep it alive. Its a juggling act that I haven't mastered yet. But I will. This I know for fact....I will.

And there it goes, just like that. My block is gone. I said earlier that stress is a self given plague with no cure. It may not have a cure but it damn sure has its therapies to help ease the ever present nagging going on in the back of your head. Breath, relax. All will go as it should. You can do no more and you can do no less.  

Live.