Heroism

In a bit of all of us is a hero waiting to make his triumphant debut. But we all have a bit of a coward in us also. For the hero to emerge there must be some type of catastrophe. For if nothing happens then what use is a hero? And the coward in us is afraid of the hero emerging due to the pain and trauma we must go through to create our hero in a time of great need.

I try to be the best person I can be. I try to make a difference in peoples lives. I strive to be a hero. But the coward in me sabotages that on a daily basis. I dont know why Im afraid of change or even being happy. Once I'm in a good place in my life, for some reason, I always decide to throw a wrench in the shitty gears that I call a life. My flesh is weak and my mind even more so.

And I have it pretty good. Im talented I have a gift, I have a family that loves me, and I make good money. So why do I throw all that shit away? I still in my 32 years of life dont even have a grasp of why I do the things I do.

Is it the excitement of being on the edge? Is it that I dont like being happy? Is that I dont even care? Who knows. Yet deep down I think, better yet I know, Im a good person. Im selfish but I'm always there for somebody in need.

Just recently a had a girlfriend I was very much in love with. We had a very passionate and heated relationship. We fought like cats and dogs but we loved each other like no other. Now we both had issues we had a hard time putting behind us and it was the culprit of the majority of our arguments. We both had demons we cant conquer. But together we both helped each other get past them. we both were better people together. Separate we self destruct. Hard. But it was just one of those things where no matter what you do, u can never win. Oh and how I tried.

But life is all a lesson. No mistakes are ever made. We do the things we do subconsciously to forge our hero.

My hero is inside me. My hero is still incomplete. My hero is me.

I will win. I will conquer. I will make my inevitable transformation into the hero I know I am.